Beer In The Evening

Nov 27, 2007

Ann Tancio


And now for something completely different… Sumo Chairs

Have you ever woken up at 4.30am with a crook neck, shoes still on, sleeping like a tramp on your own sofa surrounded by empty KFC boxes and lettuce?

Or, woken up on the bathroom floor hugging the toilet draped in a towel feeling that you’re tied to a spinning wheel?

We’ve all had those moments, those drunken moments and drunken photos that end up on Facebook – chipping away at your cool, speaking of Facebook, join our BITE group and spread the gospel to all your friends.

Fear not, you can now do all that and more in style, with Sumo Chairs!

I’ve got a Sumo Chair after my partner and I relaxed all night at a sunset beach bar in Turkey on a pair of them, they were the perfect way to spend a chilled out evening watching the sun disappear into the Med. Back in England we just had to get one, but being 200 miles in land and with the obvious lack of sun in our quaint little country, was it really going to be practicle buyinga gargantuan cushion for our two bed mid-terrace house?

Of course it was, Sumo Chairs are the lightweight durable beanbags of the future here today. “But just how space age can you get with simple beanbag technology?” I hear you ask.

Well, these enormous comfort lumps come with a wipe clean nylon surface, Sumo Chairs are oversize, not like the ‘just big enough for your backside’ fire hazard beanbags of the 1980’s -they’re so last century.

Sumo Chairs command presence in any room, I wonder if sumo wrestlers actually use them? .They are not objects to hand down to your dog as a place to sleep when they go flat, Sumo Chairs don’t go flat.

Ok that’s probably a lie, they will go flat, but it will take years, Sumo Chairs come packed with thousands and thousands of polystyrene balls that are locked away behind the worlds stickiest Velcro strip and the most durable childproof zip we’ve ever seen. In fact you’d have to put some bullet holes in your Sumo Chair in order to see those annoying white balls spill out everywhere, Sumo Chairs are not bullet proof and we do not actually recommend you buy a Sumo Chair just to shoot at.

So, when you come home from a heavy night out, don’t head for the sofa, nay, look for your Sumo Chair, the new mistress of pacification in your home. The moment you hit the Sumo Chair at 6 drunken miles per hour, the Sumo Chair reacts, it’s like it re-programmes its DNA to suit you, it moulds around your exact body shape giving you comfort and support in whatever position you throw at it.

I’ve tried the ‘face first star shape’; Sumo Chair was there in a blink of an eye, maximum head support and a perfect horizontal tilt. Then, ‘collapsing into the fetal position’, sumo chair was there again, I felt like a cat in a pile of clean clothes.

My friend tried the ‘just need somewhere to sit quickly maneuver’ – bang, Sumo Chair saw it coming and reshaped itself into something that I can only describe as reminiscent of the scene in King Kong where Kong picks up the damsel in distress in a very caring way while fighting 3 Tyrannosaurus Rexes’.

In a moment of clarity (whilst sitting in my Sumo Chair), now the smoking ban is enforced in all British pubs, I think Sumo Chairs would make a great addition to a pub lounge area, or a trendy student bar, you can see it now, students up and down the country searching for bars just because they have Sumo Chairs, so they may sit in various positions and discuss each Sumo Chair position, the impact it may have on socialism or other deep political agendas, .as well as taking cool pics to put on Facebook. Awesome, high fives all round!

You know I’d really like to say that Sumo Chairs would make the perfect Christmas presents for your family and friends, but hiding them is a real problem, whena Sumo Chair is deliveredto your house, it looks like the postman is asking you to dispose of a body, whilst they are super light in weight, they are extremely big, so I’d suggest you just go out and buy one, or two, or three, right now and just say “I bought you a present”, “Why? Because I love you honey”. Then, when it’s home time on that next pub tour make sure you hit the Sumo Chair and leave the sofa and bathroom floor behind.

Buy yourself a Sumo Chair today and say goodbye to hard unforgiving surfaces.

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