How to be sexy and alluring when gaming on a bean bag
Essential reading for all gaming and bean bag enthusiasts
We got sent a fancy bean bag recently. It’s from Sumo and it’s called the Sumo Omni Bean Bag Chair. Which is a pretty impressive sounding name for something that exists to be sat on. We’ve been using it and it’s very comfortable. It’s made of ‘space age rip-proof nylon’, which doesn’t look as welcoming as valure or fake cow fur, but is in fact really rather lovely and a lot easier to wipe clean with a damp cloth.
There’s not much you can say about a bean bag really. So purely because we’ve got one, we thought we’d use it as the centre-piece for a feature about the best ways a gamer can interact with a bean bag to look sexy and alluring.
Note: we cannot guarantee that following these guidelines will actually make you look either a) sexy or b) alluring.
The position: ‘Riding Falcor’
What this position is probably saying: “This looks sexy and alluring? Hey, sorry, I didn’t even realise. It’s just that when I’m playing Professor Layton or some other fantastically brain-stimulating handheld puzzle game on my Nintendo, I find that straddling something malleable really helps me to concentrate. Do I like puzzle games? Are you joking – I absolutely love them! There’s so much more to me than football and war and boob physics.”
The position: ‘Crazy Upside Down Fun Guy’
What this position is probably saying: “Here’s a crazy outgoing guy that loves having fun and will stop at nothing to make you have a good time. I mean, holy crap the guy is upside down on a bean bag with his legs in the air! What a riot. Not like the recent riots of Englandshire, but a laugh riot which involves more fun crazy times and less fire and smashed windows and looting and knee-jerk prison sentencing. He’s even got a pink controller. If you’re looking for a guy that loves crazy upside down fun, you’re in the right place.”
The position: ‘No Strings Attached’
What this position is probably saying: “Sure I’m a gamer, but look how thoughtfully I caress this plastic and completely stringless pretend Fender Stratocaster while playing Norwegian Wood in another epic session of The Beatles: Rock Band. I’m also wearing no shoes. I’m clearly a sensitive, creative individual that enjoys organic vegetables, magic mushrooms and making my own tofu jewellery.”
The position: ‘Extreme Twat’
What this position is probably saying: “Yes I live life on the edge. I take chances. If you can’t stand the heat, stop wearing heavy wool cardigans in the sun you idiot. Life isn’t about being conventional. It’s about free-thinking. It’s about taking it beyond the limit. It’s about playing Tony Hawk Ride on a bean bag, wearing sunglasses indoors and pulling stupid faces. Sure it’s dangerous. But as anyone that has ever watched Point Break will tell you, danger is a boner waiting to happen. If you can keep it up, I’ll see you in the fast lane.”
The position: ‘Seeks Similar’
What this position is probably saying: “Hey there. I’m a gamer. Look, I’m wearing a Fallout t-shirt. But I’m alone and this bean bag is plenty big enough for two. So why don’t you pick up that spare controller, jump on this plentiful sack of beans and let’s co-operatively play our brains out.”
The position: ‘Humping the Shark’
What this position is probably saying: “I’m all about video games. If I’m not playing them, I’m reading about them. Because I’m a gamer with a brain that can read. Why have I rolled up my jeans? Maybe it’s because I studied fashion in Shoreditch. Maybe it’s because I’m a loose cannon. Maybe it’s just the latest crazy cosplay craze from Japan. Either way, it’s mysterious and exciting and you want in. Just don’t poke out your eye on that impressive dorsal fin.”
The position: ‘Sexy Turtle’
What this position is probably saying: “I am naked and am underneath a giant bean bag. If you squint and lower your expectations, I might look a bit like a sexy turtle.”
Do you have a favourite gaming position that involves interacting with a bean bag? Or a favourite gaming position that is somehow anecdotally noteworthy? Feel free to spill your beans all over the comments section.
For more information on the Sumo Omni Bean Bag Chair and any of their other incredibly comfortable products, visit Sumo Lounge.