You’ve got to feel for my wife (pictured above). She’s a woman who likes predictability and order in her life. (OK, that’s not really her in the picture.) She doesn’t like surprises. But she’s learning to take them in stride. In fact, just last week a gigantic beanbag showed up on her front porch, and she didn’t even chase off the delivery guy. (The same can not be said for the refrigerator delivery guys when I tried to surprise her with a new fridge last year.)
In all fairness, I should point out that, unlike with the fridge, I warned her that I was expecting a delivery. So rather than chasing the delivery guy off the property, while asserting that she was “not going to sign a god-damn thing,” she simply accepted the six-foot box and called me up.
“Honey, they just delivered your Sumo chair thingee.”
The “Sumo chair thingee” was actually a Sumo Omni – a 4.5′ X 5.5′ bean bag with a heavy duty rip proof (possibly bullet proof. I don’t know. Don’t try it at home.) nylon shell encasing a dense swarm of “Sumo Beads” inside.
I explained to my patient wife that I intended to put this fine piece of furniture through the paces and review it. She was dubious.
“Review it? People review movies. People review books. People don’t review chairs.”
“Watch me,” I said, trying to sound like I knew what I was doing.
Reviewing the Sumo Omni was more difficult than I thought. For the first two days the chair was in my house, I was unable to actually sit on it. It was either occupied by one or both of my sons, or by my wife. This brings me to my first complaint about the Omni – it should come in sets, not alone. A piece of furniture this comfortable is always going to be occupied, and that means somebody else is going to be stuck on the stupid old sofa that he got from his In-laws.
The beauty of the Sumo Omni is that it is dense and solid enough that you can put into just about any position and it stays there. Stand it on its side and it becomes hammock-shaped chair for one. Lay it against a wall (or against a stupid old sofa that you got from your In-Laws) and it becomes a loveseat. Flip in on its nose and you’ve got an upright chair. It supports your body in just about any position.
Barbarian Child and Junior have abandoned all other downstairs furniture in favor of the Omni. According to my kids, it is “awesome for Lego Star Wars 2 on the Game Cube,” and it is “really good to sit in when we watch the movie where the lawn gnomes come alive.”
Barbarian child would also like to point out the Omni is “a boat, and that these other pillows are the escape boats, and that the bad guys can’t get the escape boats because they are too fast. PPPPPPPPPBBBBBBBBBTTTT”
And while Game Cube is all well and good, I needed to see how well the new furniture stood up to the stress test of Xbox Halo 2. I’m pleased to say that it went well. Steve (AKA bonehand) and I spent several hours perforating one another on the virtual battlefield. The Sumo Omni kept me comfortable enough to handle a rocket launcher and stable enough to use a sniper rifle. Honestly, the only thing it was lacking was a cup holder.
As far as grown up activities are concerned, my lovely wife and I nestled into the warm embrace of the Sumo Beads and watched “BattleStar Galactica – Razor” together. The two hours of otherwise comfy snuggling and Cylon watching were interrupted only by an ice cream spill which was quickly and completely cleaned off the Omni’s stain resistant surface.
When the movie was over, I suggested to my lovely wife that we “really break in” the Omni. Things were going well until she asked if our post-movie activity was going to be part of the review. When I revealed that I was, in fact, going to write about it, everything came to a rather abrupt and frustrating halt. This brings me to my second complaint about the Omni. I am unable to get lucky it. So while the Sumo Omni is an incredibly comfortable, durable and versatile piece of furniture, a superior platform for gaming and movie-watching for children and adults, I would NOT recommend trying to shag to my wife on it. Luckily, it’s pretty comfortable to sleep on. Alone.
Go to SumoLounge.com to check out them out. Tell ’em gord sent you.