Worth 1000 Features the Sumo Omni

OmniPlus vs Hasselhoff

Yay! Sumo’s back with some more awesome treats for my sense of laziness! I don’t know why they insist on rewarding my lazier attributes, but if the rest of my life consists of people sending me cool samples to review by lying on top of them and snoring, then someone please sign me up for the rest of my life! Oh, wait.

Let’s get down to the core important points by comparing the OmniPlus to another bastion of American pop culture, David Hasselhoff:

 VS 

Lounging attributes:

* Sumo’s new OmniPlus allows casual and professional users alike to lounge on top of them 24 hours a day.
* David Hasselhoff only allows casual loungers onboard, and generally not during office hours.

Advantage: OmniPlus

Sleeping attributes:

* Sumo’s new OmniPlus operates by default in silent mode, allowing for the unexpected (yet refreshing) side-benefit of allowing for uninterrupted sleeping.
* David Hasselhoff generates irritating song lyrics, annoying to most humans and theoretically disruptive to sleep.

Advantage: OmniPlus

Gaming attributes:

* Sumo’s new OmniPlus is excellent *for* gaming, but not *at* gaming. Note the subtle difference. To illustrate, while I might enjoy running over pedestrians in Grand Theft Auto 4, while straddling my Sumo OmniPlus, I would probably grow bored rather quickly while waiting for the OmniPlus to conclude it’s turn. The Omni is horrible at handling turns or any other function that requires pushing buttons, moving levers or any form of animated movement. Sorry Sumo, but I tell it like it is.
* David Hasselhoff is not excellent at gaming, but can handle most forms of animated movement, but is rather unpleasant to game on top of. If you needed to play Halo, you would have more fun with Hasselhoff as your teammate than your seat. Again, it’s a subtle difference, but accurate reviews are our reputation.

Advantage: Hasselhoff

Food Storage:

* For this review we poured a delicious bowl of hearty chicken soup all over the OmniPlus’ outer cloth covering and locked it in a hermetically sealed storage locker for a week. When we opened the closet door, the stench was unbearable and the message clear: The OmniPlus is a HORRIBLE way to store food.
* By comparison we poured a delicious bowl of chicken soup all over David Hasselhoff and tried to lock him in a storage locker, but with limited success as he succesfully fought us off. A week later he smelled fresh and clean. Although the test was corrupted by Hasselhoff’s refusal to cooperate and remain in the locker, it can be reasonably inferred that food stored in David Hasselhoff remains noticeably fresher.

Advantage: Hasselhoff

Worldliness

* Appearing deadlocked we resolved one more test to help us pick a clear winner. Who was a better representative to the world?

* First up was David Hasselhoff. As we introduced him to crowds of over 2 million strong in Berlin, Rome, Antartica, China and Zimbabwe, the mounting oohs and ahhs were palpable. The message was clear: We couldn’t understand a word of what those other countries were saying.
* We shuttled the OmniPlus to the same countries, and brought it up to the podium to deliver it’s acceptance speech. Amazingly, the whole crowd quieted down apparently out of respect. Where ever we took OmniPlus, world peace immediately ensued and rainbows pierced the sky.

Advantage and WINNER: OmniPlus

So there you have it! The OmniPlus easily defeats David Hasselhoff, forever changing the way we can lounge, sleep, store food and appear worldly! I strongly recommend you run out and buy one before it’s too late.

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